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Vatican Priests Live Above Gay Sauna

The Vatican has splashed out £21million on a Rome apartment block which is right above ‘Europe’s largest gay sauna’. Some of those who are living in the Gay apartments will be voting to elect the new Pope, you just hope they get a good night’s sleep. Currently Cardinal Ivan Dias who has been locked away to decide the new pope along with others lives in what is described as a plush 12-room first-floor apartment in the complex.

Cannibal Cult Members eat their Witch Doctor Victims

I think I will have a side of brains with that! Seven ‘Witch Doctors’ were brutally murdered in Papua New Guinea, police believe they were killed and partly eaten by a ‘cannibal cult’ in the jungle. It is thought that the cult members ate the witch doctors’ organs because they thought that it would give them supernatural powers and become ‘bulletproof’.

Perverted poltergeist terrorises granny

73 year old grandma, Doris Birch, of Herne Bay, claims she is being haunted by a groping poltergeist as she tries to sleep. She says: “It’s like an octopus groping me. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. I kicked frantically and it went away.”

Attack on French Magazine which featured Muhammad cartoon

Last night satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo was petrol bombed the day before they were due to have a ‘sharia’ edition. The magazine was running the Arab Spring special addition which was called “Sharia Hebdo” on the cover it featured a cartoon of the prophet Muhammad as “guest editor”.

Man rips out his eyeballs after ‘voices’ tell him to do it

During Sunday Mass in Viareggio, Italy a churchgoer pulled out his own eyes with his hands before collapsing in a pool of blood. The British born man, known as 46 year old Aldo Bianchini, apparently stood up and then quite calmly pulled out his eyes in front of horrified parishners. His mothered tried to help him whilst the priest called for help, however when the man reached hospital in nearby Versilia, surgeons were unable to save his sight.

Nuns caught speeding on way to see the Pope

Three nuns that were pulled over for speeding told the police that they were on their way to see the pope after they heard he had fallen at his holiday home. The car was caught speeding at an incredible 120mph and stunned officers were shocked to learn that a nun was driving.

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